How does the way look like?

On weekend I was studying, cleaning my flat and my mind, walking around the city.

If you turn left on the corner of jewish cemetry and go down, cross the wide street and follow the narrow street, where crowds of men are sitting in cafes even when it is raining, and big drops make your umbrella wet even from inside... There will be an Ocean: loud, grey, cold. Turn left, next 500 meters the ocean will be on the right side, cemetry on the left, Oudaya - in front. You will pass surf club with such a big windows, that the ocean is the only thing you see, you would love to live there, right? Wake up, take your tea, stare at the waves... You go farther, under the rain, cross the street in front of Oudaya (boys are playing footbool near the gates, between unbelievably-green palm-trees and orange wall), find a small hole between the houses that will lead you to medina - more touristic first, and authentic if you turn in right place. You will look just forward, to avoid all these "bonjour! sava?" from people. At home, absolutely wet, tired, happy, you will sit at the balcony and look how light of the setting sun paints St.Pierre cathedral with yellow.
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Strange dreams for the last week - I see or beloved people whom I lost or unknown men who are taking care of me.
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I miss tea. 10 bags of Earl Gray Twinnings costs around 1,5 euro, but even it doesnt smell and taste like real tea. Oh yes, in Russia we Drink Tea.
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Lost. But Katya Kh. brings inspiration, as usual.

The Lessons

So. I am still in Marrakesh and I am much better. Two lazy evenings with Harry Potter books and I feel more or less "whole" again. Besides reading HP I was leading LC meeting in Menara, planning with EB, saw the main square at noon and at night, visited palace and Menara itself. And also did some online job. "Give yourself time" works pretty well, I just need stop feeling guilty for this sometimes.

People in Russian MC are AMAZING, and - refering to on of November posts - they have gender balance and THIS is the answer on the question "what does country needs". It needs balance. Stop going to extremes, we all built quite sustainable and healthy organizm and can invest in smth else than "saving someones asses".

Ok. Enough. I am going to sleep and you can enjoy few pics made by LCPs cell phone camera (I took only Lomo, so my weird pics will be later)

One month after my 24th birthday

Contraversial feelings: Ira may be will fly from London to Morocco in Feb, I am sitting in a very beautiful house in Marrakesh, looking at swimming pool and listening to one very talented young russian poet.
I didnt do almost anything today - yesterday, calling to my father (20 dirhams for 6 minutes, three hours difference, + 9 degree outside in small city Settat) just to remind about one of my requests, Ive heard from him that my grandma died. I walked 50 meteres to Yassins appartements, went to my room and was crying, crying, crying. He was hugging me; telling that I am stronger than it.
I am asking the God, what for? Why? Why by call or sms from thousands kilometers away, I learn about someones death? You never know, but last time it happened just half a year ago, when I was in Poland, at the first day of the conference. Now - right in the middle of the LC visits. Tell me, why? To save myself from fear and sleepless nights through my responsibility towards those, who are alive? To have more angels around, who can make me smile, can hug me, bring a cup of hot tea? Why?
Marina and unexpectedly Vlada in skype yesterday, thank you so much for your words.
My train to Marrakesh was almost 1 hour late, at midnight, my mp3 player didnt work, so I spent 2,5 hours alone, hiding under sleeping mask that Boni gave me as a present. Night sightseeing tour by car: medina, Mamounia, Kutubia, red walls around - totally different, than Rabat. Room, climate system, two blankets, I am alone at home.
I will send outputs, but I dont want to do anything right now, ok? May I have some time? What should I learn? Is it a "school" for keeping balance in any situation? I was so self-confident and happy, I was approving members in myaiesec.net, I was... Everything sounds like an excuse not to work today, but give me time, dear, give me time. There is no time, only "now", so what are u asking for, babe?
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I bought tickets and went to Neman, to visit her, just for four days in august, we were drawing on the big map her War experinces, she remembered even the names of small stations near Krasnoyarsk, she presented me sleeping dress, and eventhough I dont like to sleep in clothes, I did it for her, I bought photoframes to put our family pictures, she was calling to my Mom, eventhough my parents divorced more than 10 years ago and dont even want hear about each other, and my mother respected her so much, she was the one, who took me-baby in her hands soon after I was born, she was asking me about boyfriend and I asked her to live at least till my children would go to school. Last year she visited all her 5 children and 2 sisters in different cities in Russia. I know, that memories will make me cry, but thats the only thing I still have, I am afraid to stay alone and I dont whant to see anyone, because I cant bother them crying.
I am so far from my family, my mom who lost her job and my dad who lost his mother. I cant sit and cry with my aunt, just hug her and dont explain how I feel.
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Ja sizhu v krasivom dome v marrakeshe naprotiv bassejna i voju, skulu, kak sobaka.

Teriaet samoobladanie pri zvukah flejti

Many of them can drive car, most are hospitable but closed - what you see is not everything they feel.
I tolko vot ne nado menia zabotlivo priobnimat, ja zhe budu grustit potom, potomu chto takaja postojannaja zabota razdrazhaet vkusovie rezeptori i ti prosto medlenno shodish s uma. Potomu chto oni dlia tebie - vse, chto est rodnogo v etoj strane, a ti dlia nih - prosto eshe odin MC international. It is something important to learn. I ja ponimaju, pochemu Sashka vozvrashaetsa v Sri-lanku tak chasto v poslednee vremia.
U menia shikarnij playlist, krasaviza-Sara, VPOGX, pohozhij na Khodorkovskogo, demonicheskij LCP i kudriavaja devochka-uragan. A ja prosto glupo vizzhu ot vostorga. A zavtra delat LC Visit. Ha-ha.