IC is again the experience which turns everything up side down and creates from "me-material" something totally different.
Few dozens of munites ago it was hardly raining in Istanbul after almost 10 extremely hot days.
We were sitting in cafeteria talking to John from Canada about "how is it - when you see your LCPs three times a year..." and the rain was falling... I see MCPs more often that LCPs.
It's an amazing experience - better than anything I could imagine. Life is beautiful. lights of Istanbul at night, Bosphorus in the morning. I feel like on the island in the ocean - isolation. When you starting to learn from yourdelf. It seems, that I'm becoming more and more self-focused...
Monday, August 27, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Midnight talks
Yesterday's evening (even night) was amazing: I took a cup of mint tea and we continued conversation with Katya at the playground in the yard. We started it in the shopping center, eating susi after almost one month of silence.
Why silence?
She told me almost the same things as Deniss wrote after Summeet - concerning our team, relations, people's feelings. But I've had some time to think about it already, so it didn't hurt so much. Actually, I re-discovered for myself the power of talking to people. Asking questions and being truly interested. In a flood of stupid administrative work I sometimes miss the feeling of Life.
The thing we discussed at the playground was "the way to challenge". Generally, the conclusion is simple: sometimes you are challenged when you don't expect at all, but you can increase the number of challenges by creating new experiences for yourself. And it should be the way you like the most: talking to people (as Katya Kh.), participating in all possible task forces and working groups (as I do), extreme sports (some of my friends). If the experience of deep conversation doesn't mean so much for you, go for smth else! I noticed, that I often judge my experience using the criteria of others which is totally not right.
I still can't imagine IC. I already have a lot of working meetings, but what I need is smth more spiritual, than "how to work with growth center". Probably, I'll not apply for Diversity Management just to keep some time for myself. Fuck off.
Today I was doing almost nothing (conciously), except talking to Lena and replying some mails. I went to the cinema (movie Stardust), bought green skirt (I miss red t-shirt! And sunglasses!) and ate a half of the cake (my dinner).
About "Stardust" - one moment which almost made my cry: heroes are going to one place, to get smth important for each of them and there is fucking beautiful landscape and extremely strong feelings (whatever was it: love, willing of power, anger...) When did I have such a strong feelings last time? My closest friend is my laptop. I saw lanscape which made me gasp in Egypt last time. Not so bad, but I don't want my life to be like this.
Why silence?
She told me almost the same things as Deniss wrote after Summeet - concerning our team, relations, people's feelings. But I've had some time to think about it already, so it didn't hurt so much. Actually, I re-discovered for myself the power of talking to people. Asking questions and being truly interested. In a flood of stupid administrative work I sometimes miss the feeling of Life.
The thing we discussed at the playground was "the way to challenge". Generally, the conclusion is simple: sometimes you are challenged when you don't expect at all, but you can increase the number of challenges by creating new experiences for yourself. And it should be the way you like the most: talking to people (as Katya Kh.), participating in all possible task forces and working groups (as I do), extreme sports (some of my friends). If the experience of deep conversation doesn't mean so much for you, go for smth else! I noticed, that I often judge my experience using the criteria of others which is totally not right.
I still can't imagine IC. I already have a lot of working meetings, but what I need is smth more spiritual, than "how to work with growth center". Probably, I'll not apply for Diversity Management just to keep some time for myself. Fuck off.
Today I was doing almost nothing (conciously), except talking to Lena and replying some mails. I went to the cinema (movie Stardust), bought green skirt (I miss red t-shirt! And sunglasses!) and ate a half of the cake (my dinner).
About "Stardust" - one moment which almost made my cry: heroes are going to one place, to get smth important for each of them and there is fucking beautiful landscape and extremely strong feelings (whatever was it: love, willing of power, anger...) When did I have such a strong feelings last time? My closest friend is my laptop. I saw lanscape which made me gasp in Egypt last time. Not so bad, but I don't want my life to be like this.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Sunday sea dreams
I planned to work today. It's already 1 p.m., I'm still reading my notes from university, trying to strengthen the intention to graduate finally this year.
Topic of my relations with university is very painful still... Ok, starting the story from the very beginning:
I started my 10 amazing schoolyears earlier than my classmates, as I have a birthday in autumn and was smart enough to pass exams to the best school in the city when I was 6. I always was a good pupil - not really hard-working, but smart, curious, talkative and that's usually enough for school, even such cool one as I had. I also was striving for more than endless homeworks - sports, dancing classes, intellectual competitions. In secondary school I was involved in many extra-curriculum activities which finally influenced my grades in diploma (or how is this document called?). I was not excellent, cause I didn't put ANY efforts in studying, I was just very good and had fun. I was not among the most popular girls or bookworms. I was (and, hopefully am) the person you'll never mix with someone else. Unique. I was building my life in a special way, unconsiously. Probably, I'd be nice character for some hollywood movie (romantic one) as a best-friend of the Girl:)
So, I am perfectionist in a way... Ok, as I was accepting anything but the best in my life (if write in school newspaper that to have personal column at first page and special awards at annual ceremony...) I decided to pass exams to the only University - Moscow State, faculty of journalism which is the best in the country. I became a student. It was also easy. (Later I entered two more universities: PR department in Krasnodar Technical University and Sociology in State University of Management. But quit because one was boring, another didn't want me to study in Moscow at the same time).
So, first and second years were ok. After I found smth more interesting to do in life. Work in PR-agency, in AIESEC, travel a lot (right during exams time). And I found out that I suck in "must do" things which I don't care about. My university was already thinking if they need such a student - showing up once a year, passing exam with good mark and leaving in unknown direction.
The situiation is still the same - I have a looong list of exams to pass and just 15 + 15 days during next 4 months when I will be in Moscow. It doesn't mean that I'm free - I still have some MCP job to do:) But at least city is the same.
Why is the topic painful? Because all the aiesecers manage to study very good, sometimes even in two universities. And me, such a smart girl, who is still going higher with her dreams, who is ready to conqure the world, is the Worst Student Ever.
Here is my confession. True. You can delete me from your friendlist now.
Topic of my relations with university is very painful still... Ok, starting the story from the very beginning:
I started my 10 amazing schoolyears earlier than my classmates, as I have a birthday in autumn and was smart enough to pass exams to the best school in the city when I was 6. I always was a good pupil - not really hard-working, but smart, curious, talkative and that's usually enough for school, even such cool one as I had. I also was striving for more than endless homeworks - sports, dancing classes, intellectual competitions. In secondary school I was involved in many extra-curriculum activities which finally influenced my grades in diploma (or how is this document called?). I was not excellent, cause I didn't put ANY efforts in studying, I was just very good and had fun. I was not among the most popular girls or bookworms. I was (and, hopefully am) the person you'll never mix with someone else. Unique. I was building my life in a special way, unconsiously. Probably, I'd be nice character for some hollywood movie (romantic one) as a best-friend of the Girl:)
So, I am perfectionist in a way... Ok, as I was accepting anything but the best in my life (if write in school newspaper that to have personal column at first page and special awards at annual ceremony...) I decided to pass exams to the only University - Moscow State, faculty of journalism which is the best in the country. I became a student. It was also easy. (Later I entered two more universities: PR department in Krasnodar Technical University and Sociology in State University of Management. But quit because one was boring, another didn't want me to study in Moscow at the same time).
So, first and second years were ok. After I found smth more interesting to do in life. Work in PR-agency, in AIESEC, travel a lot (right during exams time). And I found out that I suck in "must do" things which I don't care about. My university was already thinking if they need such a student - showing up once a year, passing exam with good mark and leaving in unknown direction.
The situiation is still the same - I have a looong list of exams to pass and just 15 + 15 days during next 4 months when I will be in Moscow. It doesn't mean that I'm free - I still have some MCP job to do:) But at least city is the same.
Why is the topic painful? Because all the aiesecers manage to study very good, sometimes even in two universities. And me, such a smart girl, who is still going higher with her dreams, who is ready to conqure the world, is the Worst Student Ever.
Here is my confession. True. You can delete me from your friendlist now.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Spagetti with garlic
Again here. It was advice from Marjam to make this blog more "alive".
I hate my writing in english, but it's the only way to see h0w small is my vocabulary and how much I should practice. If I want one day to write something except AIESEC manuals.
It was long and boring introduction. Sorry for that, Marjam, probably you thought it'd be better:)
***
Chatting with Ira always brings me some positive emotions:
- discussing top-10 IPM guys with beer, sitting in two different countries
- hugging virtually, althoug I know, that when girl says "I want somebody hugs me" she doesn't mean me:)
- remembering one-year-ago Poland, long way from dorm to plenary, short phrases, rain...
There are some people who make me smile and believe in myself. Why not everybody does?
***
Deniss just moved to the new flat. Hope, he can see mountains from the window. Just because I know it'll make him feel good. You see, there are moments when I'm so positive that just want to spread it around. A bit of sleep, few conversations and sunny day. That's it.
And I'll even notice the hands touching my shoulder when I'm sad, I'll feel how much I want to dance doesn't matter how good I am in dancing, how easy I can tell...
***
Turkey seems to happen in a week. We still don't have money (issues with bank accout) and I have no idea how to borrow more than 13000 euro from alumni. Shit.
I hate my writing in english, but it's the only way to see h0w small is my vocabulary and how much I should practice. If I want one day to write something except AIESEC manuals.
It was long and boring introduction. Sorry for that, Marjam, probably you thought it'd be better:)
***
Chatting with Ira always brings me some positive emotions:
- discussing top-10 IPM guys with beer, sitting in two different countries
- hugging virtually, althoug I know, that when girl says "I want somebody hugs me" she doesn't mean me:)
- remembering one-year-ago Poland, long way from dorm to plenary, short phrases, rain...
There are some people who make me smile and believe in myself. Why not everybody does?
***
Deniss just moved to the new flat. Hope, he can see mountains from the window. Just because I know it'll make him feel good. You see, there are moments when I'm so positive that just want to spread it around. A bit of sleep, few conversations and sunny day. That's it.
And I'll even notice the hands touching my shoulder when I'm sad, I'll feel how much I want to dance doesn't matter how good I am in dancing, how easy I can tell...
***
Turkey seems to happen in a week. We still don't have money (issues with bank accout) and I have no idea how to borrow more than 13000 euro from alumni. Shit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
