Lost. Episode 1.

In the office - wet shoose after walking in Medina, Sinatra in earphones (i was singing this "fly me to the moon" song all the morning).

Ira wrote that I feel insecure. I never do. No, I am not self-confident at all. I can fight FOR the things or people I love, but if you tell me to fight against someone just for myself, I would most probably loose. There are moments of happy enlightment when I feel that the purpose of life is just to live but they dont last long.

Another thing that came to my mind today, when I woke up after 9 hours of strange dreams caused by 2 anti-flu pills and two cups of strong tea with lemon and eukalypt honey (i am a bit sick after the conference - it was fucking cold at night), so the though was about relationships - more and more I feel like a "hunter" whose main driver is to run, shoot, catch. Hunter doesnt do it because of hunger. And less "tools" you use, the more interesting is the hunting.

When I say that I believe in people it has nothing to do with trust - I believe that everyone has talent, unique abilities and I feel rewarded when people realize their potential with a bit of my help or advice. But it doesnt mean that I easily make "life-time friendships" - and what is more painful is when you mix first with second. When you fall in love with idea of someones happiness and work towards it, but start thinking it is real friendship. It is not. And as soon as "project" is realize, you do not need each other any more.

Markelova is in Brazil, Marjam is in Malaysia, I am in Morocco.
Oh, people, I am so lost and need hugs so much! My kinesthetic nature is crying for physical contacts, but untill you know the meaning of it in the context, better not take risks.